Nicholas Brendon Audioblog Update Sept. 18, 2010
Helloooo? Nicky Brendon, trying to blooog.
Alright, well, I’m going to assume it’s on. I hope. And then, if it’s not on,, then I guess I’ll just read two poems, and then I’ll call tomorrow with short stories.
I’ve got some meet and greets coming up in New York, in Boston and then Austin, after that. But New York’s coming up in like, two weeks, and, we are, I hate to say it, and I hate to sound like a hustler and a pimp, but we are not selling tickets for that. (Editor’s Note: He means ticket sales are … slowish. We ARE still selling tickets for it. — jacqui) Um, I guess I can change my last name to Marsters, but boy, this is rough goings over here, people! Help me to help to you help me, and then I’ll help myself of you. Maybe I’ll help myself to you? How’s that sound? In a very sexy way.
OK, here’s a poem that I wrote for an ex of mine.
Untitled
Spread your thighs,
Your lies
Your eyes
Your insides
Your legs
In ways that displays
a lover’s gaze.
Eat up
Chew it up
Spit it out.
Another victim,
Another day
Another passer-by
In other ways.
A look
A drop
A scent
The absolute wickedness
of your thighs.
This is called Distance:
Distance.
We need it,
we’ve had it.
When we are together,
the distance is epic.
I am closer to you,
the farther that we are apart.
I’ll send postcards on my travels.
But not too many.
There won’t be that much to say.
Be well
Be free
Be happy
Be gone
Alright. Those are two little poems that I wrote, and then there’s another one here, when I was in Paris. I hope this is recording.
Alright, there’s gonna be two: One’s very disgusting, so I’m going to give the parental warning right now, that one is uncool. I wrote it for a friend of mine, named Mimi. Who after I read the first one, she was like, “Oh, I didn’t know it was over,” so I wrote this other one. Alright, so I was in Paris …
A wedding is taking place in Paris.
I walk to the bathroom in a hotel
The door opens
I see inside the women’s restroom.
Little girls are gathered inside,
in a circle.
Talking
Giggling
Being little girls.
An old woman walks out,
Disappointed
Old
New
They will be old, too
The little girls
And their daughters will be old
I piss in a urinal
The toilet was too dark and foreboding.
Kind of like getting old.
Alright. There’s that. And then this is the amends to that. This is called “Ode de Mimi.”
I walk.
I walk, I think
I need to piss
I pass by the bathroom
The door opens
The women’s restroom door.
I look inside.
I see a gaggle of little girls.
Talking,
Laughing
Flirting with one another
As little girls are opt to do.
I need to take a piss.
I think of the little girls, pissing
Pissing out of their little young pussies
Pussies that will one day be violated
Some with joy,
Some with fear
But all, with regret.
Alright, three poems for you guys. Short. Couple disgusting, but true. I’ve got a lot more in here; I’ve got, like, six books on my lap right now, but I don’t even know if this is fucking recording. And if it’s not, I’m gonna grow a third testicle, throw it in some sort of stew, and make somebody eat it. And I think you guys all know what I’m talking about.
So, would love to see you guys in New York. I would love to see you guys at the meet and greet. And I know that, in Austin, we’re doing karaoke. In Boston, I’m pretty sure we sold out on the meet and greet, but we’re doing like, this kind of a … I love the title: Toast & Jam Jams. Where I will be wearing my pajamas, down to this event, where it’s going to be like, an omelet bar and stuff. And we’re just all gonna be wearing our pajamas. Kind of like we’re having breakfast at Nicky’s house. Which happens to be in some sort of big room in a hotel.
So, I can’t talk that shit up enough. I mean, I might even wear my old pajamas. And my old pajamas are, well, they’re not too well put together anymore.
But, I am going to call you guys tomorrow, again. I’ve got a couple more stories and poems I wanna write to you – read to you. I wrote a short one, here, hold on.
I came up with one today that hasn’t been written because it’s about … I saw a lovely pair of thighs coming home, I guess, since I was taking this girl on a date. I just saw that short skirt, and those thighs, and the first thing I thought was: Heartbreak.
Um, let’s see here. Uh huh. OK, this is about a paring knife. OK, here we go. This will be the last one. I’m not even sure if this shit’s good, but, whatever. Not my fault.
Um, hold on. Question is on the table, hold on just a second. OK. Looking … what is that, I cannot read my writing. The boulevard, winding through … Alright, that’s a different one. Let’s read it, ‘cause it looks really, really disjointed. I wrote it at my friend Dorie and Joel’s house. … This is called “The Boulevard” – let’s see what it says. I don’t think it’s good, but:
The boulevard
Winding through crime and grime
Sweet and low
Straight as a razor in spots
Green as Al Gore
Round as Al Sharpton.
It’s glitz,
and it’s glum.
Also jazz and big band
Blood-stained, vacant lots
Hot dog vendors
In greasy splendor
Greasier hos
Flows, bros, willing to blow
Red light, go
Green light, slow
Stop and stare
At the boulevard.
A menacing glare
A seductress, in its curves
Wanting more
Leaving one’s mind open to possibilities of yesterday.
Of that day,
So far away
Looking in the rear-view mirror
Only to see me
And the road
And me again
And I was lying
The road was truthful.
The road
The boulevard
Awash in a hazy gloom of restless sleep
What was once a street,
a dream
became a fucking nightmare.
That’s called “The Boulevard.” I’ll find my other stuff. I wrote a really, really short one today. If I can find it for you guys. Uh huh. Not there. So many of these books look exactly the same. Um. OK, hold on. Right. OK, oh I’ve got a good show called “Match Man,” which I’ll unleash on the world at some point.
Sorry. We’re just going through my books together here. Hello! I just found Kelly’s journal. I shouldn’t read Kelly’s journal! Wow, that would be awkward. I wonder what happened there. Oh, here’s another one of Kelly’s journals! Oh no! That’s weird. OK. Let’s see what’s in this one. Uh, let’s read it.
Few men are human
when they die
They put them in a tomb
and rise.
Menses, the blood cleanses
and cleans.
Stop.
Can I get a witness?
That was one I wrote, so. [pause] Sorry, just reading. Alright, this is probably for an ex-girlfriend, too. Ready. Untitled, but I’ll title it.
You roll your eyes,
I shift my feet.
You sulk, and moan,
And I say tone.
You yell and yip.
I say quit.
You say you’ll change.
And I say that’s strange.
You roll your eyes,
I shift my feet slightly to the right.
The door is to the left.
I look.
I leave.
So. Kind of simple, but easy. OK, right? Anyway, so there’s like, four. I think there’s a few there. And then, there’s Kelly’s journals.
So, OK. I am going to hang up on me, now. Not on you, but on me. Hopefully, this is being recorded. And, again. New York: Dinner. Boston: Is there, a … I’m pretty sure Boston is dinner, and then Toast & Jam Jams. Everything’s on NickBrendon.com. But please come, guys, because then James Marsters is going to sell 250 tickets, and I, literally, have three sold right now. I have three, I am pleading with you, pleading with you, so that I can continue to do this, because I have so much fun doing it.
Anywho, OK. I’m going to hang up, and I will call you all tomorrow or the next day with some more poetry shit. And, that’s it. Love to you all. Also, I’m reading a couple of really good books right now, too, that I’ll pass on to ya’ll.
All right, be well, be free, stay strong, stay straight, stay white, unless, of course, you’re black, then stay black. And if you’re Mexican, stay Mexican. You know what? Screw it. Stay who you are, alright. And be happy with it. Bye.
Great stuff there, Nick. Who knew you wrote poetry? I guess I need to start paying attention to your blog.
My sis and I are coming to dinner in Boston. We also have tickets to some of James’ stuff, and guess what? We are worried that his concert might conflict with your dinner… but guess what we’re going to NO MATTER WHAT? YOUR DINNER, buddy. That’s right. (Whatever, James Marsters!) So looking forward to it! Sorry I don’t live in NY. If I wasn’t poor as a church mouse, I’d buy a ticket in NY, too, and take a trip to see some friends. But there’s just no way. Boston will have to do. See ya then! 
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by j., Nicholas Brendon. Nicholas Brendon said: Wanna hear more poems from Nicholas Brendon? Latest audioblog includes a parental warning (shocking, I know). http://bit.ly/d7dhdN — jacqui [...]
Nicholas, you’re poetry’s awesome, man! I write a few poems here and there too and currently working on a trilogy and had no idea you wrote too. I follow your facebook account and finally had some time to view your stuff on here. Hopefully, you’ll get a chance to swing by Albuquerque, New Mexico or something. I would definitely see you up there if you went. Thanks for sharing!
I can’t believe that I took to long to buy a ticket for the Boston meet and greet. I will NEVER let myself forget that.
Ugh, oh well… Sometime in my life I’ll meet you. Hopefully.
You realize you’re encouraging me to bring on of my many books, right? What do you mean “this sucks”, this is PERFECT:
It’s glitz,
and it’s glum.
Also jazz and big band
Blood-stained, vacant lots
Hot dog vendors
In greasy splendor
Greasier hos
Flows, bros, willing to blow
Red light, go
Green light, slow
Stop and stare
At the boulevard
I think if all your fans could you help, they would. I would, unfortunately i regret not being able to do so here. Sorry. However, i would love to see you again.
You do not need to be James.
You is our Nick, my sweet Nick.
Your fans may be fewer but they have a great and unconditional love for you.
Je t’aime
Sylvie
Hey thanks, Nick for sharing some poetry with us. It’s good. I wish I could make it to one of the foody-type thingies, but sadly, I’m a broke ho. Hit MN and I’ll be there!
yes tell him to come to Minn and I will be there to see the man.
@Graham-there’s brunch on Sunday-Oct 117th
My two cents? Anyone in Boston, in New York, anyone at f***ing Comic Con that doesn’t buy a ticket to either the dinner or the brunch is a chump.
Why the gross generalization you ask? Thank you for asking. I’ll tell you.
Because you’ve already shelled out the money for a Wizard World ticket. Let’s assume you’re actually as broke-ass as you claim to be. That’s fifty dollars to get your geek on.
But you’re not just spending fifty are you? Of course you’re not.
Because you’re going to have to eat. So you’re going to pay ten dollars for some over priced concession food that’s probably going to make you bloated and gassy for your photo op with Mary McDonnell. That you’re going to pay $45 for. Then you’re going want her to sign it, aren’t you? You’ll pay $30 for that.
That’s $175, my friend. Think about it.
For $175 what do you Bean Town locals get? A delicious meal – sustenance for your body – and the company of this suave motherf***er. And not just that. You get a picture. An autograph – on whatever you want. He’ll sign your body. Your eleventh grade math homework from 1998. He doesn’t care.
But not only are you getting him. You’re getting Clare “smokin hot” Kramer. And that’s called value, kids. And you don’t even have to get dressed for this shit. You can literally party til dawn, crash, roll out of bed, and stumble to this hootenanny in your spiderman underoos. Unless you’re overweight and forty. Then you better have a damn robe, or something.
We’re a higher caliber of fan. We’re Brenditos.
Represent.
Em is, of course, the master of us all!
Em, if I had not already bought tickets for the Boston dinner THAT comment would have got me to buy not only those but Brunch and the NYC event too. Bravo! You officially win for the day!
So… I should be seeing you ALL in October now… RIGHT?
EM, i bow before your awesomeness with words. lead me…
Wow, I wish I could come. I begged for Nicky to come to Dragon*Con and wish he had so that I would have seen him – don’t think Nicky would have backed out like James had to! It’s a bit too far for me to go to New York and Boston (goes to show the power of Nicky’s fan base – we love him all the way down here in Alabama). Might try for Austin if tickets are still available. Either way, good luck to Nicky on selling more tickets and have fun to those that will see him. I’m sure one of you wouldn’t mind giving him a hug for me!
Shared the link for your din on my facebook brother…..hope it helps
Cheers
T
Testimonial: I drove from Detroit to Chicago on August 20, 2010 to attend the awesome “Deep Dish” dinner with Nick. We had 40 rocking and cool people there. For the reasonably low price of $100, we had a Roman Feast, photo opportunity, and autograph signing with Nick. I made new friends, had lots of face time with Nick, got to ask Nick anything I wanted, and got a hug from him twice! So please help out my favorite male lead actor and snap up those remaining tickets for New York. Detroit represent! BTW: You get to meet Jacqui as a bonus opportunity!
I got my ticket for both the Boston meet and greets and totally stoked for both. Can’t wait to see Nick again (I got the opportunity in May in Ohio) and I’m equally stoked to meet Jacqui!
I will be seeing you in NY
oo new site design! How do I get a little picture thingy?
Oh Nick
I wish you would do these meet and greet things in Australia I feel cheated that I dont get to meet you!!!! I am absolutly sure you would sell out in seconds I know I would buy a ticket!!!!!! hell I’d buy 100 tickets if it meant I got to meet you!!
COME TO AUSTRALIA PLEASE!!!!!!!
peace out
Jess
Come to Illinois!! Again! Come to Bloomington, IL OR Peoria, IL! I guarantee that you would sell TONS of tickets!! We all want to see and meet you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come to Hallowhedon2!!!
Hi Nick. Years ago I found one of your poems on the internet. It was called LOVE and I still remember it. I love your poetry. I´m a poetry writer myself,so I can relate to the passion for poetry
I hope you`ll write much more poems 
Have a merry christmas day. I´m sending you smiles to wherever you are today!
P.S.) I still looove watching Buffy and seeing Xander makes my heart feel warm. Just like back in the days. Thank you for that!
xoxo Nad (Michelle)
Nicholas: Re-watching Buffy Season 1— your comic timing was perfect, even then. As to your poetry…well if you need some help perfecting that, let me know.
I’m not certain what to say about this poetry. Anger issues???
We have an abused homeless girl who stays with our community who believes that this poetry speaks her heart. I’d love to speak with you some time to find out what your motivations and mind are.
Mr. Brendon, you are an enigma!!! <3
Nick,
I am a dabbler in the art of poetry… and I find your work raw and inspiring. I will be at the Con in Chicago, and I look forward to saying hello.
“Awash in a hazy gloom of restless sleep”… those words are striking and a perfectly vague description of the agony that accompanies something weighing heavily on your mind as one is trying to sleep.
Stay well,
Ann
Does anyone else think that tha above poem about littel girls pissing is a little paedophilic?
I cam onto this site ‘caus I love Buffy and Nick in his various other roles eg. Criminal Minds but I found the above poem a bit disturbing, Nick that is weird.
Can’t spell little, damn
Hello Nick…y?
I met you after seeing the last show of “The Santaland Diaries” in Hollywood. I was the one in the front row who left to pee. Sorry to break you. =)
Of course, being a young female, I am huge Buffy fan. But, when I saw you on stage I was just in awe. You are so talented…and now poetry? Damn.
Anyway, I wish you the best! You certainly have talent to last you for the rest of your lifetime. I would love to see you again, if you ever actually come back to LA! I will buy a ticket to your show anyday!
Best wishes. Xoxo.
Stephanie