Nicholas Brendon Audioblog Update July 30, 2010
Hello everybody. This, is Nicholas Brendon. And I am speaking, like the man, on the phone, who was just speaking to me: “Hit the pound sign.”
I hit the pound sign!
Hello everybody, so how’s everybody’s week going? Awesome. Mine’s great, thanks for asking. Just letting you guys all know that I’m still alive, I’m still writing. I’ve got a bunch of stuff, and maybe we’ll have, like a reading thing or something, where you guys will come, and we’ll just all read poetry and things together. Trying to think if I have one here right now, but I’m just gonna … I don’t think I do. Let’s see here … I just don’t even have any books around. I have to … yeah, no. I’m walking out. There’s Steve, my dog. Hopping over him. Hopping back over Steve, the dog. Back to my couch with my computer. Watching House Hunters International, which is my guilty pleasure. Oh, I love it so much. Makes me want to put a penis in my mouth.
Which is not a bad thing. Some of my best friends put penises in their mouths. I am not one to put a penis in my mouth. Um … Even if I could suck my own, I wouldn’t have it in my mouth.
Let’s see. I don’t even know what I wrote last time. Let’s see, uh … All right. Here’s one.
I wake,
I wonder,
I wander
I walk to the corner store, past the fence
A fence with a hole
I buy breakfast,
crack open breakfast
So good,
so fucking good
I walk home,
past the fence with the hole
I crack open seconds.
I love goddamn breakfast
Cracking
Sizzle
Pop
Gulp
The hole in the fence looks at me like it’s a cyclops
A one-eyed monster
It laughs at me
I have more breakfast
It taunts me
that hole
More breakfast
I stop and I stare
Try to look inside the hole,
through it
It just mocks me,
puts me in my place
A fucking hole
In a fucking fence
A black, fucking hole
To somewhere bleak
I drink more breakfast
Unzip my pants
And put my dick in the hole
My hole
That oughtta shut it up
I drink
My dick gets sucked
I drink more
Cum, rinse, wash, repeat.
Oh, it’s time for lunch.
That’s my poem. That’s in my book here. So, that’s my poem. I don’t have a title, but that’s my poem. And, if anybody’s transcribing it, it ends Time for lunch, will be the end, after he gets his dick sucked.
So, I’m coming to Chicago, like, tick tock, tick tock. And we have four tickets to sell. Because I wanna have it be at 40, because I wanna meet 40 people while I’m there. Maybe write 40 poems. Which I might be able to do. I would need a little time. I’m not promising 40 poems. I’m saying I could maybe do it. I don’t know, it depends on what my day’s like, what my brain’s like. And I’m just super stoked to see you guys. So, we need just four more tickets sold. So if a friend already has one, tell another friend to get one, then you won’t be there alone. Around me. ‘Cause I am frightening. I am scary. I. Have the devil inside of me.
But don’t worry, we moved in last month, and it’s great. Me and the devil have a great relationship now. Things were a little hot for the first couple of weeks. A little hot in the kitchen. But now things have settled in just fine. And I have never once sucked his dick.
Umm, OK. So: We’ll be in Chicago, we’re gonna have a Chicago pizza party. There might be some dancing. Ummm … who are my favorite writers, as poets here.
One: I’m sorry, but Jacqui has given me the three little pointers:
1. There are four tickets left for the Chicago pizza party with you. OK …
2. There was a discussion about poets whose work came to mind after listening to your poems. Who are some of your favorite writers?
Uh, Charles Bukowski is, to me, is just the end all, be all. But there are so many of them that I just don’t know. You know, I wish, I wish I knew more. And I probably need to do some homework on that.
Um, and then [enter your poem here]. You know that I adore you, but if you could try to aim for something less than … Apparently my last blog was around 4,000 words. [Editor's note: 3,915]
OK, so that’s poem stuff. Umm, I’m trying to think of what I’m reading right now. I saw Inception, I don’t know if we can talk about that. I”m going to see a movie called Salt. I’m about to put in a samurai movie right now, in my house. I’m here with Steve. And, I’m kind of excited about that.
And, my sobriety’s going very well. I’m coming up on five months. I’m very, very, very, very happy about that. And … the trouble I’ve caused, kids. The trouble I’ve caused, over a can of beer, and a big, bag of cocaine … no, I didn’t do the cocaine. I mean, I have in the past, but, whatever. You know what I’m talking about. I’m really, really happy. So that’s phenomenal.
I hope that you guys have dug this particular audioblog. And, after you’ve dug it, I thoroughly hope that you guys plan on filling that hole that you dug. And again: I wanna see ya’ll, I wanna meet ya’ll, I wanna rub ya’ll, I wanna suck ya’ll. You know what I’m saying?
Damn, that’s straight from the San Fernando Valley, where I grew up. Man, that shit is real.
All right, this is Nicky Brendon, saying out. And I will blog, I would say probably within the next five days, with more poems and, just, life’s mishaps and adventures. OK, I love you all, and be well. OK, darlins. Bye.
Tags: Audioblog, Chicago Comic Con, Meet and Greets, Poems
July 31st, 2010 at 12:02 am
Very interesting poem =)
July 31st, 2010 at 12:02 am
LOL
rated N is right! Jacqui, you may also want to add warnings regarding listening right before bed… i forsee dreaming of breakfast and one eyed monsters… oh dear.
so looking forward to Chicago.
July 31st, 2010 at 12:50 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by criminalminds and TabooShrutiMJ, Nicholas Brendon. Nicholas Brendon said: Nicholas Brendon audioblogs about his upcoming Chicago meet and greet, shares another poem, and, well, more: http://bit.ly/aZFqmW — jacqui [...]
July 31st, 2010 at 7:31 am
A Haiku
Nick is a poet.
He says “dick” and “fuck” a lot.
I like his poems.
July 31st, 2010 at 11:11 am
@Em-love it! He does have a keen grasp of vernacular, tres bien. Nicky-I think you might like Nicole Blackman. See you soon. Should we bring our own poems?
July 31st, 2010 at 8:29 pm
This made my night! It makes me jealous to know the meet and greet is three hours from me and yet I can’t go. Great poem.
I’m glad you’re doing well, Nicky. Keep up the good work! And keep writing. 
August 1st, 2010 at 4:46 am
I was so happy to hear the poem. I love freeform poetry and have written a little myself. Always a pleasure to hear Nicky speak. This was a great way to start my morning.
T
August 4th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Your poem is rather dark: Ephemeral happiness with breakfast, perdition (passage with the hole), then continuity and repetition with lunch.
Congratulations on your 5 months of sobriety. I am proud of you.
I am looking forward to see you in three weeks in Paris.
Je t’embrasse. Gros bisous.
August 5th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
God, i just luv the sound of your voice!
August 8th, 2010 at 6:33 pm
congrats on the 5 month mark!!!
well done!
August 11th, 2010 at 9:18 pm
I just stumbled upon your site after looking you up on google and I am amazed by your poetry! Congrats on staying sober. I agree you poem is dark though I do lovethe dark humor. I have not written poetry in sometime though you work def inspires me to develop new works. I hope life is bringing you the best it has to offer. I would love to catch you at a con and share some of my writing with you!
PS – I have been going through some hard times… from being discharged from the USAF under DADT to struggling with depression – but watching you on my favorite childhood show Buffy and now getting to look forward to your future posts and poetic works brings great happiness into my life. Thank you!
August 13th, 2010 at 10:45 am
Freaking fabulous! Hahahaha I think I´ll join your team instead of team jacob or team edward…. Hahahaha! Who asks that?
August 13th, 2010 at 10:48 am
OH my god…. not joining your team in the dirty kind of way I meant as a diss to the twilght thing, my lord. My excuse is that I’m from Sweden accept it! Still babbling, will stop.
August 13th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
There I Go… I did’nt eaven comment on the right blog did I? This comment was mad for that other audioblog a while ago. Anyway, the thing is I… or I mean you, Seriously I don’t really know. Mybe I should go to slep I feel kind of tierd. I should just say something nice, I admire you… just like that. Thanks,
August 17th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
I like it,
August 24th, 2010 at 4:17 pm
dont know you. don’t get the poem. never wrote to a celeb. too old to give a shit. but there is something about you. you have far too much going for you for you to quit it. i believe you have the potential to be big time. looks, talent, humor,…amazing kid. sweets. fight the fight. please dont deny the rest of us of your amazingness. and selfishnessly your handsomeness…. no. bro cant compensate for you!!
August 28th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Wow…I could just sit and listen to you all night. I love your voice! I am looking forward for your next blog. I love poetry, both reading and writing it. And believe me, it would be a dream come true to be able to sit and compare notes with you. Or just have you read more poetry; either or works for me. Anyway, I’m bummed because I missed the Chicago Comic Con…I do hope you are coming to Pittsburgh in the future. Congrats on your sobriety…I’m very proud of you. I completely understand what you’re going through…been there, done that, got the tee shirt. This past July marked my 11 year sober and 12 year clean anniversary. It ain’t easy bein’ clean….but it’s worth it. Well, I think I’ve rambled enough. Take care of yourself big guy. Sending ya lots of hugs….(((((((((hugs)))))))).
August 29th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
A fence: if I build it, will you cum? ; )