NickBrendon.com: The official website

I’m back.

Michelle Stehrenberger: Did I enjoy making Psycho Beach Party?
Yes, I was at Point Dume two days ago, where we shot that movie, with the rocks and stuff. And I had a nice – I was there alone for about an hour and a half, and then some friends came. And I had a really lovely kind of bonding session. It was hilarious, so I really, really, really enjoyed making that movie.

It was on Logo…
Everything I’ve done is on Logo now. So fucking funny. It was on Logo … how about, I don’t know. How about Mango. I’ve got nothing on Mango, the man channel. By the way, I’ve come up with my male stripping name: It’s gonna be Cinna-Man. Cinna-Man is gonna be my male stripper name.

It was on Logo again the other day and I laughed my ass off, she says, but it was a, with two of those little asterisks. You can say ass if you want to. I won’t be offended.

Was it fun to make?
Yes.

Do you still keep in touch with people who you did the movie with?
You know, I still talk to Thomas Gibson, ‘cause he’s in my show, the Criminal Minds show.

Finally, if Jacqui fell in the middle of the woods and no one was there to hear it, would her awesomeness alone cause sound??
Well, not if there’s anyone there to hear it. Or not hear it. Y’know, this goes into, y’know, if the Pope shits in the woods, does he really have to wipe his ass?

Patricia D Black: First, Jacqui Is Awesome. Now, to my question,
Jacqui, I’m seeing a theme here, by the way. I wanna see the questions that you didn’t deem worthy. [Jacqui’s note: OK, look. I’m the one who does all the transcribing. This way, we all get something out of the experience. And you can check out the rest of the questions on our Facebook page.]

OK, first, Jacqui is awesome.
Yes, I agree.

Now, to my question: I know that you had to work hard to overcome your stuttering. I am also someone who had to deal with both a stutter and a lisp. I was wondering how you were able to overcome it? My therapy was actually recording myself reading and singing.
I did a lot of tongue twisters, too, and I slowed everything down. I made sure I overly enunciated my words. I was a very fast talker, which can work in acting sometimes, in certain parts. But I just asked God, I’m like, “I just want to start over.” You know, I wanted a clean slate.

Apparently I’ve heard that you can never stutter and sing, which is amazing. Self-reading is great, too. But, tongue twisters, because your tongue – at least, my tongue – wanted to move in ways that wouldn’t have allowed me to say the words. So I just did a lot, I took an acting class, and did tongue twisters probably five hours a day. And it would still kind of hold on sometimes, and it still happens sometimes. When I’m scared, y’know, or when I’m talking to a girl, or something, it’ll just happen. But that’s what I did, and godspeed, and I hope that that helps. But you can go to Barnes & Noble. Go to the kids’ section and get a book of tongue twisters.

Michael D. Henry: Sorry, I’m dry. I’ve been five days in the sun, and this is what happens to my voice. Michael D. — it’s funny, if you can hear me. I’m watching a special on cocaine on National Geographic right now. And it’s funny, I just heard, “And the cocaine that they produce.” Anyway, it’s on the TV in the background.

Michael D. Where am I at? OK, hold on. Michael, there we go:

Michael D. Henry: Nick – Can I come over to your house and watch you sleep? That’s not weird, is it?
Yes, Michael, you can. Actually, it would be great, because apparently, I snore, and I would need … If you can videotape me, sleeping? Because I’ve had a couple, um, female friends spend the night. And they said that they would never do it again, because the snoring is so horrible. So, Michael, you would be doing me a big favor, dude. Yeah, so get in contact with me.

Nikki Todhunter: What did you think of Xander’s outfits in Buffy? He had some sweet ones. Tropical shirts, porn-star shirts? I’d like to think Nick had something to do with those.
Yeah, no, I loved them. I took a lot of them home. But our wardrobe people did an amazing job. If you looked at season one, and then go to season three or four, it was, I mean, I was wearing rings and shit in season one. And I loved it. I loved it, it was just a kick-ass show.

Trish Rowley: What part of playing Xander was your favorite? I loved Xander’s personality. Kind, thoughtful, loyal, funny! I don’t know you personally, but you yourself seem like an awesome nice person!
That’s really sweet. I think I’m a nice person, and I’m trying to get nicer every day. What part of playing Xander was my favorite? I liked, you know, I liked the Zeppo part of him. I liked, the kind of how things never worked out. I loved him, I wanted to hug him at all times.

Jillian Robinson: Dame of Awesomeness Jacqui, does Nick actually write poetry?
Yes, I do write poetry. Um, lemme see if I have a book here. Let’s see what I wrote. I think I wrote one today, and I’ll just see if I have it here. Going over here, just take this book with me, wherever I go. And, let’s see what we’ve got. OK, open up the book here. Um. Let’s see here. Music. Uhhhhh … OK, Kelly’s … uh. Let’s see, where’s … [mumble mumble, Jacqui wonders “Am I really supposed to transcribe all of this?” Sounds of Nick flipping pages…] OK, all right, uh huh, … There’s so many fucking books. OK, all right, um, Telling tall tales [more mumbling, seriously, people, I’m only human -- jacqui] Sorry, guys. Sorry, sorry. I had the wrong book here.

Um, that’s a short story. Let’s just read what it says. This is called, I have no idea what this is:

I wake up in pain
Knees, hips, head
Emotional pain
What should I wear?

Who should I be?

An ant crawls on my skin
I know him by name now
He serves me afternoon tea

I wiggle my fingers and toes
Get loose
Who should I be?

A maudlin mama that no one pays any mind to
Talking about her powers
And then the people are only then half listening

She had a doozy today
Pool party but no towels
Uh oh

Should I be the latent pedophile cousin who is always invited to functions but never comes, but we all know that he does, indeed, come?

Should I dress up as a man that has been missing for the past fifteen years?
That one should be easy, seeing that no one has actually seen me in fifteen years.

Or maybe I’ll just go as me, the maudlin mama.
He likes boys and has disappeared for a lifetime.

I have all of the costumes
All the materials to pull off all of these people.
No one will be the wiser

As for me, it’s fun.
It’ll infiltrate function, situation
Where your presence would be so desired
And yet you cannot give them the satisfaction of them having you here.

A part I will play. A part they will accept.
Since I have done nothing else.

I arrive at a barbeque with my face bloody, slashed, maudlin
I, in my disguised voice ask to hold the new baby
She is given to me at once
No hesitation

The only pause was the floor placement of the ottoman, which was quickly tended to.

It now sits in the corner of the room
The ottoman
Instead of in the middle of that room

It sits next to the flowers in the corner
Along with a chest
A mahogany chest with pictures of my family

I stand on it
I stand on it like an attentive soldier

I know that soon I will have a problem with the ottoman being placed there

I have big plans for that corner
Big, big plans

I’m bleeding on the baby
She is not crying
In fact, she seems to like it
She seems to like him

Now where is that fucking ottoman?

That was one that I wrote, I think a couple weeks ago. Um, so yes, I do write. Is it good? I don’t know. I think it’s great. And here’s another one, and then I’ll let you go:

Walking
Single file to the unknown
Step by monotonous step
Fear of not holding the line
We march one by one
To a valley without sun
Only gray
With a shade of a lazy haze
A grain of sand
A marching band
No word spoken
No song sung
A vacuum of hope
Little ants
Taught to walk, carry and pull
Bodies in motion
No end, no beginning
Just middle
Stuck in the middle of here
There
Nowhere
Stuck
In a timeless maze
A hazy maze
One by one we will walk in the middle
Where there is no light
Or darkness
One by one we walk
One by one we stalk
Prey
One by one we behave
One by one
One by one
One by none

OK. That’s my poem. And I’m losing my voice. So you guys kind of got two of my little maudlin stories. These are not that maudlin.

OK [Insert verbally going through the list of questions.]

Oh, this is the last one:

infernaljay94: If you could have any other name, other than your own name, what would it be?
My name would be Baron von Brendon. Baron. Von Brendon. B-a-r-o-n, v-o-n, B-r-e-n-d-o-n. Or Sweet Nicky B. All right guys, listen: This was awesome. Let’s do this again. Give me some more fucking questions, and I’ll answer. My voice won’t be as hoarse from going to a Dodger game, and I will be happy as a clam. If clams are truly happy.

All right, guys. Love ya. Miss ya. Bye.

Tags: Audioblog, Poems