Nicholas Brendon at nickbrendon.com: The official Web site

Teen Magazine

We challenged Great Model Search winner Yammile to interview witmaster Nicholas Brendon. Who says models can’t talk?

Yammile: I just got a big break, winning the Teen and Maybelline Great Model Search. What was it like when you got your first big break?
Nicholas: My first break was my elbow. I broke my radial and had two pins in there. It really hurt.
Y: C’mon, really…!
N: Really, getting a break was exciting. You don’t know where your life’s going to go, but it’s nothing but excitement. When I booked Buffy, I had eight days before we went into production. So I had four days of elation and four days of absolute terror because I’d never really acted in front of a camera before. It was a lot of fear, but that really good-feeling fear in your belly, like first love or first dates – you have no idea what’s in store.

Y: What was the first thing you missed about being an anonymous, non-celebrity, normal person?
N: I don’t know if I was ever normal, really. I have an identical twin, and he has to deal with it, too. Once, at an In-N-Out Burger, there was this bus full of teenage girls and they thought he was me and he said, “No, no, I’m his twin brother!” That made the girls so mad they started throwing hamburgers and french fries at his car. He’s not big on my fame thing.

Y: Have you and your brother ever girlfriend-swapped or assumed the other’s identity, like for a big test in school?
N: I only assumed his identity once, when he was a superhero, because he lost his powers tragically. Bad accident…

Y: Got it! Is there any way you take advantage of being a star?
N: I get to work with people like you.

Y: Aw, thanks! What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of high school?
N: Absolute terror, loathing and playing baseball. High school wasn’t a good experience for me.
Y: Oh, sorry! Were you voted most likely to something?
N: Probably most likely to spontaneously combust.

Y: Just out of curiosity, did you vote for me at [Great Model Search]?
N: Yes! They actually asked me point blank who I thought should win, and I said you.

Y: Thank you. If you weren’t actor-guy, what profession would you choose?
N: Maybe…
Y: Male stripper?
N: Male stripper is definitely one of them. Cosmetology, maybe horticulture. Also, astronaut, police detective or some sort of demigod person.

Y: Cool! What would you do for $100 million?
N: For $100 million? I would walk into a McDonald’s, continue into the men’s restroom and eat the blue urinal cake. You got the money?
Y: Eew! I guess we’re not going to McDonald’s! If you got the money, would you spend it on any cosmetic surgery, and if so, what would you have done?
N: I would probably enlarge my pinkie toe. I think it would be kind of cool to have a really, really long pinkie toe, just to hang from trees and freak your friends out. It’d be a party favor, really. Like, if the party’s bombing, it’s like, “No, no, before you guys go, watch this.”

Y: Why don’t you have a special power/skill like all the other characters on Buffy?
N: Well, I do. I’m good with the ladies. Joss Whedon, the creator of the show, wanted somebody who was normal.
Y: But you’re not normal…
N: On the show I am. There’s Xander and there’s Nick. Nick’s a wacky guy; Xander probably couldn’t have handled this photo shoot. He probably would have been humping your leg like a dog. It’s true.

Y: Good thing Xander’s not here! OK, hypothetically speaking, I have the hots for you. What do I do to guarantee you’ll ask me out?
N: Hmmm… nudity is always good.
Y: Drop all the clothes?
N: Yes, throw ‘em down! Actually, as long as a girl’s not foaming at the mouth or saying crazy religious things at me, I’m into it. Also, it helps if you have a CD of Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits, Volume III.

Y: Can you describe your perfect girlfriend?
N: Oh, 5’8”, Italian, great personality. There has to be some Italian in there.
Y: I’m Italian.
N: Are you 5’8”?
Y: You’re describing me!
N: What are we doing here? This interview is over.

Editor’s note: Nicholas and Yammile were just flirting! Nicholas totally has a girlfriend!

Teen People

Remember Alyson Hannigan’s famously vulgar flute line in last summer’s American Pie? Well, Nicholas Brendon manages to make his first major movie role memorable with some seriously jaw-dropping dialogue of his own in the new comedy-slasher flick Psycho Beach Party. “It seems people from Buffy get the weird, shocking things to say in films,” says the actor best known as Xander.

The 29-year-old Los Angeles native made the most of the film’s 28-day shooting schedule–not that it was grueling or anything. “It was fun to hang out at the beach. I started speaking surfer talk,” says Nicholas, who admits that his actual surfing skills weren’t necessary. “They filmed those scenes against a blue screen and inserted the waves.” Still, he did take home two very real souvenirs from the experience: a surfboard and a sunburn.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Official Magazine
Summer 2000

Chatting with Nicholas Brendon is a lot like … well, like chatting with Xander Harris. Even though he’s sitting down, he’s in constant motion, possessed by an infectious personal energy that immediately draws you in. As you talk, you need to watch his eyes for a playful glint, because it’s often not apparent if his comments are serious or in jest. That’s no surprise, since he’s a master of the deadpan one-liner. And there are plenty of one-liners — the jokes fly fast and furious as he quips about sharks with knives one minute and professes his love for the Fame motion picture the next.

It’s not just Brendon’s uncanny physical resemblance to Xander that skews first impressions toward his Buffy alias. According to the actor, there’s a little piece of Xander in his brain, and performing gives him a chance to let it out.

“Thank God Joss created this character, and now he’s just inside my head,” says Brendon. “It’s been neat to not be in control of how this kid’s gonna grow. You get the script and read it, and say, ‘Okay, we’re going there.’”

Before he began his acting career, Brendon’s life was headed in a completely different direction — he had hoped to become a pro baseball player, but an injury ended those chances. He made his TV debut in a Clearasil commercial and racked up guest appearances on Married With Children and Dave’s World before landing the part of Xander Harris during the 1996 pilot season. The show took off and brought his career along for the ride.

Now that he’s made his mark on Buffy, he’s moved on to film roles during the hiatus. Brendon stars in Pinata and Psycho Beach Party, upcoming films that you can expect to arrive in your local multiplex sometime this year.

We talked to Nicholas during one of his rare free moments during production of the closing episodes of the current Buffy season. Even after a long day of shooting, he still had us rolling in the aisle.

Buffy Magazine: You’ve had the opportunity to do something most people only dream about, so I have to ask: Back in the first season “Nightmares” episode, how did it feel to punch a clown?
Nicholas Brendon: Oh, I’ve always wanted to.

BTM: Do you hate clowns?
NB: No, I love them. I like to hit things I love.

BTM: That’s twisted.
NB: Well, he was chasing me with a knife. I think anyone chasing me with a knife, I’m gonna whack on the nose. Whether it’s a shark or a clown. I’ve been chased by two sharks with knives.

BTM: Let’s take it back to the beginning. What was your Buffy audition like?
NB: It was at the end of pilots season, so I was kind of on a roll, and I just went in and met with Marcia Shulman, our former casting director, who’s now head of casting over at Fox. She said to come back at four o’clock and meet Joss. That was the first time I’d heard his name. That was a Thursday, and at about seven o’clock on Thursday I found out that I was gonna go to Fox and test. Friday night I found out that I was going to the WB on Monday, and then at 11 o’clock on Tuesday morning I found out that I had the part of Xander Harris. It was pretty cool.

BTM: Did the cast bond pretty quickly?
NB: Definitely. We were all for one and one for all, Joss included. Once we saw the show was really good, it was easy. It was weird, because it was all of our first prime-time series experience. Tony Head had VR5 or something, but it was the first one that was really good, since Joss is here and he’s the god.

BTM: Do you like working with Joss?
NB: He’s an amazing writer and an awesome person. I don’t know what actor wouldn’t like to work with somebody who can write as well as him.

BTM: How do you feel about Xander now? Are you happy with where he’s come?
NB: Yeah. He’s a part of me. I’ve helped to develop this character. He’s gone through a lot of growth and some change. It’s nice because it’s been like real life. It’s slowly evolved. Not like a soap opera, where all of a sudden I have a big goatee and three earrings. He’s definitely very sweet, and I’m really happy that he’s been a part of my life for the last four years.

BTM: What’s your favorite Xander moment? Do you have one?
NB: No, not really, because they’re all equally as important. “The Zeppo” was the best, because it showed a big range. When I first read the script, I was at Starbucks and I cried at the end, because he was changing a bit. He was accepting, becoming more of a man. It’s weird, because even though it’s my face and my body that portrays him, I really have no idea what I look like. I know what you look like more than you do, you know?

BTM: Where do you see Xander in five years?
NB: I don’t know. Probably working the door at some nudie bar.

BTM: There are worse jobs in the world. I understand you used to work as a waiter. Are you a good tipper now because of that?
NB: Yeah, but I think I was a good tipper before that. I did it for seven years, when I wasn’t acting. I realized that once I left the house, I needed to eat and somehow pay the rent, and that was the easiest way to do it. I had a lot of odd jobs. I went to school while I was doing that, and just worked all over — as a plumber’s assistant, a script delivery guy. There’s a lot of stuff that I did.

BTM: Have you retained any of your plumbing skills?
NB: No. I was literally just kind of picking up toilets. I was doing the dirty work, so I tend to stay away from dirty work as much as I can now.

BTM: Anything involving toilets is dirty work, period.
NB: Even putting a clean toilet into a new house is dirty, because you know what’s about to happen to that little porcelain pot.

BTM: I know you have a twin brother, too. Do you ever pull the ol’ switcheroo?
NB: Sometimes if I’m really sick, he’ll come into work for me. No, he’s worked on-set before, so people get freaked out if I’m working and then all of a sudden, I’m in civvie clothes and a beard. It’s like, “Who pulled the wool over my eyes?” But no, we haven’t done that. I respect what I do way too much, and the project itself. When you’re in junior high, it’s a different story. I think I can get fired for that, because I think it’s a breach of contract. My lawyers couldn’t save me to save the world, and they could actually save the world a lot easier than they could save my job.

BTM: Which of the cast members is the most fun to hang out with?
NB: They’re all horrible. [laughs] You get the generic answer; they’re all fun for different reasons, and it’s hard to say. We all hang out together for different reasons. That’s an impossible question to answer. Me. I am. I love hanging out with me.

BTM: We talked to John Ritter and he said that you guys used to exchange nasty answering machine messages.
NB: I love John Ritter. I haven’t talked to John for about a year or so, and I really miss him. I need to try and find his number again, somehow get it. “Hi, I’m Nicholas Brendon and I’m looking for John Ritter’s number?” Click. I went through a breakup and a move, so in that bustle of ca-ca, I lost the number. I love that man. But I’m definitely willing to exchange nasty messages again. Have him call me.

BTM: How do you feel about fame?
NB: I wasn’t really a big fan of the show. The movie was awesome. Fame L.A. kind of dropped the ball. [Seriously] It’s fun and it’s not fun. You don’t really think about it when you start, and there are degrees of it. I like to act, so I didn’t do it for that reason. Maybe when I was fourteen and I was playing baseball, I said, “Wow, it’d be really cool to have your own show so you can meet that girl and y ou can do that.” Now I enjoy doing the work, and if it’s a byproduct because of that, then that’s cool and I accept it. People coming up to me and asking for an autograph or asking for a picture, I think it’s great, because you’re doing something right.

BTM: What’s the weirdest experience you’ve had? Have you met anybody famous that you’ve always wanted to meet?
NB: It’s weird, because you’re inundated with it. You kinda get an overload of who you meet or where you are. Sometimes you have to take a step outside of yourself and say, “Wow, this is really kinda cool.” But then it’s your life, though, so you’re still living an everday life and you can’t really get too caught up in it. There are a lot, but not a single one stands out. I was in an elevator last weekend with Evander Holyfield. That’s the last one that comes to mind. I was at the All-Star game in San Francisco. I met a lot of people there, but I met a lot of not-nice people, too. That’s actually the disappointing aspect of it, because you meet certain actors and they’re just not nice, and you wonder why. It’s insecurity, but it’s like, “What’s going on with you? You should be very grateful and thank God every day.”

BTM: You were going toward playing baseball for a while.
NB: Yeah, and then I just kinda lost the passion to play. I still love it immensely and I still play, but I wanted to do something else. I do that; I’ll be doing something that’s a passion and I’ll make a change. Hopefully that won’t happen with acting.

BTM: Who’s your team?
NB: The Dodgers, tragically, right now. They’re gonna rebuild.

BTM: Just like the Cubs.
NB: Right, yeah. Hope floats, doesn’t it? Hope runs eternal.

Politically Incorrect
May 19, 2000

Guests on this program were: Nicholas Brendon; Susannah Breslin; Jeff Bridges; Hugh Hefner; Bijou Phillips; Michelle Phillips; Rob Schneider.

Panel Discussion:

Bill: I’m sorry, I should have checked for an Adam’s apple. Oh, hi. Well, welcome. It’s our last night here at the Playboy mansion. And wouldn’t you know it, all week, I’ve had a different fabulous date. Well, tonight, my date was supposed to be the very beautiful miss Michelle Phillips, but it looks like I got
stood up. But luckily, we’re here at the Playboy mansion and it wasn’t hard to find another really great-looking replacement. This is Trent. We met a couple of minutes ago. How are you doing, man? Good to see you. But, I mean, come on, he’s prettier than half the chicks here. And that’s the trouble with this place. Every time I come here, I run into a lot of guys that I used to model with. Oh, it’s not that funny. Anyway, Trent — oh!

Michelle: I’m sorry I’m late. I was just having an acid flashback from the Spanish vacation.

Bill: Well, it’s — it’s good to see you. We’ll talk later.

Michelle: Hi.

Bill: You know, I love it that you’re here, because by the time you were in your teens, you were already a star. So you might remember the “Playboy After Dark” that we’re paying tribute here tonight. And if you let your mind go at this place, which is so magical, you can almost imagine what it must have been like back then, Sammy Davis singing in the music room, James Caan swimming in the grato. Elvis Presley, reading on the toilet.

Michelle: Gary Hart –

Bill: I love that joke. Whoa, Rob Schneider!

[ Applause ]

Rob: Hey.

Bill: Cool. Look at — Susannah Breslin.

Michelle: Hi.

Bill: Everybody. Nicholas Brendon. Hey, how are you? Good to see you. Did you — oh, my God, look who’s here! Thank you so much.

Hugh: Here we are again.

Bill: Always taking advantage of the free booze.

Hugh: I am.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: So, what — am I in the wrong place? There’s no girls here.

Michelle: We’re in your light.

Bill: But there should be girls, always.

Nicholas: We need a girl for Bill!

Bill: Yeah, please. Look what a loser I am, I can’t get a girl to sit next to me at the Playboy mansion on television.

Rob: There you go.

Bill: Hey.

Rob: There you go.

Michelle: Happy now?

Bill: See, the black ones always have spunk. [ Laughter ] That’s exactly –

Nicholas: You can say that right now, Bill. Your show, my friend.

Rob: I always bring you a gift, Bill.

Bill: Oh, look at that.”Inside the –” have you seen this?”Inside the Playboy Mansion.” You always do. Whenever Rob comes on my show — he gave me a zen garden once. He gave me a –

Rob: Yes.

Bill: And I have the best time at your parties. Michelle Phillips –

Nicholas: Bill, I got bourbon when we’re done.

Bill: Hey, where’s my bourbon? No, no, I mean, we’re drinking just colored water.

Rob: Apple juice.

Nicholas: Some of us are.

Bill: But –

Rob: That’s unauthorized, by the way.

Bill: It’s funny you should bring this ’cause I was gonna bring up the fact that women get credit for the sexual revolution, but that’s the guy –

Rob: Right over there.

Michelle: I think he may have actually started it.

[ Applause ]

Bill: You think he started the sexual revolution.

Michelle: I think he may have started it. Because, let’s face it, what was there before there was “Playboy”?

Rob: Well, Michelle, I don’t know who started it, but I know who’s finishing it, me! I’m gonna have sex with everybody here. And that should put an end to it.

Michelle: There was “Masters and Johnson.” That was about — that was sex. And then you gave it a little, you know, a little color, a little –

Nicholas: Some taste.

Hugh: A little sizzle.

Bill: It is funny that woman get credited with the sexual revolution.

Michelle: We do?

Bill: Yeah.

Rob: For saying yes eventually.

[ Laughter ]

[ Talking over each other ]

Rob: If there wasn’t — yeah –

Bill: Because we were always for putting out soon.

Rob: Yes.

Bill: I mean, that was always –

Rob: As soon as possible.

Bill: — Part of our agenda.

Susannah: What became different for women in the ’60s is that they decided being a slut was actually making a political statement.

Rob: And I was all for it. And that was a good movement. And we’re trying to get that going again, by the way.

Michelle: You know what, the pill had a lot to do with it.

Bill: The pill, yeah.

Michelle: I mean, let’s face it.

Bill: It was just the 40th anniversary of the pill. If I had a drink, I’d toast that.

Michelle: Now what we want is a little –

Rob: I got one right here. I’m gonna take it right now. [ Laughter ] Here’s to it.

Bill: Rob, the pill is for women.

Rob: Oh. [ Laughter ] Hey, if it’s — whatever I can do to help, you know what I’m saying?

Nicholas: You’re growing breasts, Rob. That’s sweet.

Rob: I don’t mind growing two. It’s the one that –

Bill: But, no, this guy really is responsible.

Rob: Thank you.

Bill: For a lot — no, him.

Rob: Thank you, Hugh.

Nicholas: Thank you.

Hugh: My pleasure.

Nicholas: Hugh, Hugh.

Rob: Hugh got nothing out of it. He did it for — for everybody else. You know — you’re a selfless man.

Bill: Well, he’s taken a lot of arrows. Pioneers get all of the arrows. As the saying goes. Of course, he’s given a lot of arrows, too, ladies and gentlemen.

Michelle: Thank Hugh. I mean, imagine that years from now, maybe you will be sainted for the job you have done.

Nicholas: Let’s do it right now.

Bill: No, that’s the Catholic church. They hate him. [ Laughter ] He’s like the Anti-Christ.

Michelle: But they come around. You know, they finally admitted that Galileo was right.

Bill: So you’re saying there’s a short drop from Galileo to Hugh Hefner. [ Laughter ] “Pope confesses, sin lots of fun. We were wrong all those years.”

Michelle: You know, it’s already happening. Look at him. All right.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: You always come loaded to the party. That’s what I love about you. You don’t know what you’re saying.

Michelle: I’m trying to help.

Bill: That’s what I love about you. Okay, we gotta take a commercial. I mean, I gotta go to the bathroom. I keep saying commercial — bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom.

Hugh: Samella.

Sammy: Hello.

Hugh: Are you enjoying yourself?

Sammy: The usual.

Hugh: Dressed to the teeth as usual.

Sammy: When they said party to me, I thought, I began to feel kind of silly because Tony’s here with –

Anthony: I feel silly because somebody said –

Hugh: That’s the way it is with our parties, as you well know. It’s everything from bikinis to formals and all of that stuff in between.

Bill: Yeah. Did you see that, Hef? Were you watching that clip of you and Sammy and Anthony Newley? Do you remember that day?

Hugh: I do remember that day.

Bill: Then it couldn’t have been that good. Anyway — [ Laughter ] We were about to give you — and I guess we did give you credit for the sexual revolution.

Rob: I want to be reincarnated as your penis. And I mean that in the most positive way. I mean that in a great way.

Bill: If I could come back, I would love to come back as a promiscuous woman.

Michelle: Yeah, why?

Nicholas: Really? Not a penis? That’s odd.

Bill: No, people say I’m a penis now.

[ Laughter ]

Rob: Come on, Bill. I’m sure there’s another word they use.

Bill: Who needs reincarnation. No, just because they have, you know –

Michelle: What are you looking for here?

Bill: — Sort of like the sexual revolution here. Because they have a lot of sex. A promiscuous woman.

Nicholas: A promiscuous woman has a lot of sex.

Bill: You have a lot of sex, don’t you, honey?

Susannah: All the time.

Bill: Yeah, and you’re not afraid to admit it.

Bijou: You have sex all the time?

Susannah: No.

Nicholas: No, that’s actually her boyfriend’s name.

Susannah: I’m not promiscuous, but, you know, I have sex with the same person over and over and over again.

Nicholas: And you enjoy it?

Bill: Hef, I’m sorry you had to hear that? Here’s why I think that this was so responsible for the revolution is because their magazine made it okay to not feel guilty about looking at naked women.

Nicholas: Yeah, but did it though? I mean, I was raised as a little Christian boy. And I tell you, two years of anti-brainwashing over that S-h-i –

Rob: Nicholas, you have to tell them there are articles in there.

Nicholas: There’s not. Not when you’re 15, my friend.

Rob: There’s articles on jazz, humor, there’s so much. The Christian right –

Bill: It wasn’t even printed in English until a few years ago.

Michelle: I have teenage boys, that when they were little, when they were 13 years old –

Bill: That’s why I love this guy, by the way. I never fail to invite him to all of my interventions. I’m sorry, honey, what?

Michelle: My teenage boys used to hide their “Playboy” magazines. As it was something that I would take away from them. I think it’s something that boys just love to have.

Bill: But look who you raised, the beautiful Bijou.

Bijou: She didn’t raise me.

Bill: Yeah, let’s pretend.

Bijou: She should have raised me. She should have.

Michelle: I should have raised her.

Bijou: You should have.

Michelle: Should have raised her.

Nicholas: Group therapy!

Bijou: Someone should have.

Nicholas: Michelle, I wish you had raised me. I’m not joking. I wish I was a penis.

Rob: You could still raise me. That’s the beauty.

Michelle: You know what, I’m gonna start a school. I’m gonna start a school.

Bijou: For wayward girls.

Bill: Have you seen the Mamas and Papas “Vh1 Behind the Music”? Okay. It’s the hardest to follow. I mean, of all of the sordid things I’ve seen on “Behind the Music.”

Bijou: When I saw that, I was like, “Wait, there was like relationship problems?” I didn’t get it.

Bill: But your first memory was –

Bijou: I never knew about the Cass/Denny, you/Denny — you/Denny, I didn’t know until I watched the show.

Michelle: Well, you weren’t born for 20 years.

Bijou: No one told me. Someone could have said something.”Oh, Bijou, I’m [bleep ] Denny.”

Michelle: It wouldn’t have been a topic that would have interested you.

Rob: Bijou, we’re costing a lost a lot of money on editing, by the way.

Bijou: I’m sorry.

Rob: Very expensive.

Michelle: Well, all I wanted to say was my boys were hording their “Playboy” magazines. And I think that that’s something boys love to do — looking at naked girls and hiding the magazines.

Rob: Part of the fun was hiding it, though.

Michelle: Yeah, that’s what I mean.

Rob: If my mom ever said to me, “Here, look at this ‘Playboy,’” I’d be a freak now! I’d need to hide in my room.

Bill: What you do you mean there’s something and we hide it? We’re whacking off. Okay? I mean, let’s get serious. Let’s get real. We’re using these magazines to live the life we don’t have — and he does!

Nicholas: Let’s kill him!

Michelle: And it’s very healthy to do what you do. Even the surgeon general said it. She was fired for it, but –

Rob: She was fired for it.

Michelle: She said, “Whack off,” and that’s much better for you than getting a girl pregnant.

Susannah: What about me and Bijou had to live these traumatized childhoods because we didn’t have a “Playboy” for girls. I think we’ve gotten the short end of the stick.

Michelle: “Playgirl” never did –

Bijou: I had spice channel.

Nicholas: Because you don’t need one, that’s why.

Bijou: Shower massager.

[ All talking at once ]

Michelle: Sex and guilt –

Rob: Oh, guilt.

Bill: Weren’t you on the other show where I had to fly in college boys and now she’s down to a shower massager. I don’t know where a pretty girl like this — Jeff Bridges, what are you doing here?

Jeff: Mike in my hand.

Bill: I’m so glad you brought your mike. [ Laughter ] Give us some wisdom. Weigh in on this.

Jeff: I’m just curious. I’m lacking in this conversation. I am. Now, women don’t have this visual thing that guys have.

Bijou: Yes, they do.

Jeff: What is that? Like “Playgirl” doesn’t get it.

Bill: You’re absolutely right.

Jeff: Or does it? I don’t know.

Michelle: I don’t think that –

Rob: You get any money from that, by the way, “Playgirl”? You don’t get any money from that, right?

Hugh: That has nothing to do with me. And it’s not really for women.
Bijou: It’s for men.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: I was interviewed once in “Playgirl,” and there was a little interview. And then so in the table of contents, you know, they list everything in the magazine that month, so there was a picture of me, my head shot, interview, and right above my head was a huge [ bleep ] coming down. [ Laughter ] Yeah, there was –

Rob: Did the photo look like this?

Bill: Yeah. [ Laughter ] I gotta — I gotta go to the bathroom again. Oh, man, I have got to get my kidney –

Rob: It was going so good.

Bill: I know. I got to go to the bathroom.

Bill: I have them all the way back to 1967. Yeah, I brought those all in. Okay. We have two more segments here. We’ve been here all week.

Michelle: It’s Teri Garr!

Bill: That’s not Teri Garr. She wishes.

Nicholas: How’s that acid treating you, Michelle?

Bill: Anyway, we got a couple more segments here. We’ve been here all week at your — your gracious –okay, because we certainly couldn’t do this without it. It’s your backyard. And quite a yard it is. And those monkeys –

Nicholas: Speaking of yards.

Bill: So this was gonna be our one-on-one, but I thought, you know, I like this set here. I don’t want to move to the bar. So I have questions for you. I bet you the panel does. This is your shot, gang, to ask — you don’t often get him right here. It’s like seeing an albino tiger in the wild. [ Laughter ] It’s like a great endangered species in his own habitat.

Bijou: All right, who’s the best [ bleep ] ever?

Bill: Oh!

Nicholas: Again with the words!

[ Laughter ]

Rob: What’s going on over here? I know you didn’t raise her. I saw the special.

Bill: This girl’s got some black blood in her.

Bijou: Who’s the best in bed? Who’s the best in bed?

Hugh: Who can tell, tonight is young. [ Applause ]

Bijou: Ever, ever? Like ever?

Michelle: I have a question — were you raised in a very Puritanical setting?

Hugh: Yes.

Bill: Duh.

Hugh: Came from Puritans –

Bill: Read the bio, hello.

Michelle: I haven’t read the bio.

Bill: I know. He’s been famous for 50 years.

Michelle: So like Quakers or something?

Hugh: Methodists.

Michelle: Methodists.

Hugh: From Nebraska.

Bill: See, every guy here knows Hef’s background. Chicks — “Hi, who are you?”

Rob: Hef, if I can call you Hef. I don’t have a question. I have more of some advice.

Bill: A tribute?

Rob: I just got out of the hot tub with about five bunnies, and I’m thinking, you should put some more chlorine in there.

Hugh: We’ll look into that.

Rob: Cheers. Thanks for having us for all of these years. Thank you.

[ Applause ]

Nicholas: And of course, not biblically having us.

Rob: My childhood could have sucked without you, and I mean that sincerely.

Bill: Jeff Bridges, even though you wear the same suit days in a row.

[ Laughter ]

Nicholas: Go home, Jeff, go home.

Bill: You know what I love about this guy, he’s been a huge movie star for like 20 years. I don’t have a clue who he is. [ Laughter ] It takes a real effort to guard your privacy. I have no idea who you are.

Jeff: That’s good.

Nicholas: You guys are real good friends.

Rob: America’s greatest actor. That’s who it is.

Jeff: Bless your heart.

Bill: Hey, kiss ass when the party’s over. [ Laughter ] Do you have anything you want to ask? This is your shot, Jeff Bridges.

Jeff: No, I was just thinking what you were saying about this repression, how repression is sort of a good thing. In a sense, look what it’s –

Bill: Yeah.

Hugh: Good for me.

Bill: It’s good to have something — oh, yeah, you got to use your mike. You got to have something to rebel against.

Jeff: It has a role, doesn’t it?

Hugh: I think that is what America is all about, conflict.

Bijou: I don’t think it’s really rebelling though. It’s not rebelling. It’s doing what you need to do.

Rob: But you gave it in the right form.

Bijou: It needed to happen.

Rob: You know what I’m saying?

Bijou: Had to happen.

Rob: You didn’t do it in a sleazy way. You did it in a way that was acceptable to mainstream America.

Hugh: Well, that was the whole idea. Sex existed before. Trying to give sex a good name.

Michelle: Did your family disinherit you?

Hugh: No, no, quite the contrary.

Michelle: Got right on the bandwagon with you, right?

Hugh: Well, my father was an accountant and he eventually came to work for me as my treasurer. And the magazine was founded on very, very little money, and $1,000 of it came from my mother.

Bill: And he had to fire his ass at one point, which is very –

Rob: Very sad.

Bill: Very sad. But business is a business. You got to kick ass to make it run.

Rob: Sometimes dad will embezzle.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: You know what, it happens to the best of the families.

Michelle: Do you have any age limit to –

Bill: Good question.

Michelle: Do you just have any sex with anybody who’s of legal age 18 and over, or what’s the policy?

Hugh: Well, I’m a romantic, so I get involved in relationships. Sometimes more than one at the same time.

Rob: Do you know what I find weird? When we see the magazine, and all of a sudden, you see the playmate of the month and it’s like graduated — born 1982 — ‘82! Oh, my God!

Bill: Yeah, that is freaky.

Rob: I graduated high school in ‘82.

Bill: Yeah.

Rob: My God, it’s just — does that ever shock you?

Hugh: No.

[ Laughter ]

Michelle: Because — because you really probably have just an image of what is attractive to you, and that doesn’t change.

Hugh: That doesn’t change.

Michelle: It’s like, I still think I’m 17 years old in my mind’s eye.

Hugh: Exactly, exactly.

Rob: She’s got to have a good joke, right, hef?

Hugh: Yes, good sense of humor.

Rob: Good sense of humor.

Hugh: But you’re exactly right.

Bill: A good sense of humor? Every girl you’ve ever gone to bed with had a good sense of humor? I don’t think they even know a knock-knock joke some of them.

Susannah: I think I speak for everyone here when I ask, how many?

[ Panel oohs ]

Nicholas: Good!

Bill: That’s a little personal.

Hugh: I don’t think it’s a matter of quality — or quantity.

[ Laughter and applause ]

Rob: That’s a “1:00 in the morning” statement.”It’s not a matter of quality.”

Hugh: I would not have said that earlier tonight.

Bill: Sigmond Freud will be joining us in two seconds. I have to go to the bathroom again.

[ Applause ]

Bill: All right. Well, this is our final time to say good-bye here. Thank you very much, Hugh Hefner. How about a big giving it up for Mr. Hugh Hefner. [ Applause ] I want to — besides saying thanks, congratulate you on your recent marriage to Angelina Jolie, everybody. [ Applause ] A fantastic move on your part. And I think three’s the charm, because people don’t realize, he’s been married twice, right? Early in your life.

Michelle: Early in the ’50s and then again in the ’80s.

Bill: Right. What could have gone wrong there? Him with marriage. Okay. Well, this is it. Good night.

Cult Times

Separated from all his college-going friends and dating a man-hating demon, Xander still finds time to invite the gang over for Hallowe’en, sell bad beer to the student population and grapple with a few vampires. “This isn’t really a comical world,” confides Nicholas Brendon

The fourth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer has taken the successful series in new and unexpected directions. The Scooby gang is out of high school now, and facing the real world challenges of college and life decisions, along with the decidedly other-worldly challenges of demons, monsters, and a mysterious government agency fighting alongside (or is it against?) the Slayer.

Those different directions give actor Nicholas Brendon pause as he considers the implications of the past year. “We’re not done yet, so these are my thoughts while we’re still shooting,” says Brendon with the same dry delivery viewers have come to expect from his character, Xander, on Buffy.

“It was cool because it was a growing year for everybody. And very realistic, which is what I think Joss does an amazing job with on the show. Like Willow’s new relationship, which I think happens in college — and the confusion, the hurt from opposite sex people,” muses Brendon. “And my character, it’s just kind of… it’s funny, because it’s kind of what I did in my real life. I didn’t go to college right away… if ever. He’s just trying to find his niche in life, and every week he has a different job. It seemed that even though we had a lot of the monsters and ghouls and stuff, the main monster and ghouls seemed to be real life traumas and problems.”

The character of Xander often seems to fill the role of the show’s Greek chorus, commenting on events as well as translating what’s happening on-screen for viewers. But he’s also the personification of series creator Joss Whedon, who has stated that Buffy’s depiction of the trials and tribulations of teenage life is essentially a thinly veiled version of Whedon’s own high school years. “I think it was Joss when he was in school, but now he’s God, so he has more say on what the outcome is,” jokes Brendon. “It’s almost as if the show is seen through Xander’s eyes. He guffaws and laughs and looks in wonderment, and also he has to live Joss’s life in high school and college.”

The wry, sardonic wit that’s Xander’s trademark comes naturally to Brendon. “No, I just take the lines and do them like I want to do them. I like comedy. It’s escapism. Because this isn’t really a comical world.”

Consider his response to being asked how does he keep things fresh on the series: “I’ll change sodas that I drink. Mondays I’ll never have a Coke, I’ll have a 7-Up on Mondays, Sprite on Tuesdays, Pepsi on Wednesdays. Orange on Thursdays and maybe root beer on Fridays,” he says with a straight face, completely serious — or maybe not.

Aside from comedy, Brendon cites baseball as having been a major influence in his formative years. “Baseball was very, very good to me. And I [watched] Love Boat and Dukes of Hazzard; I was never really into Sci-Fi and didn’t really read any comic books at all. I was just a kid who loved to play baseball, and whenever there was a baseball game on TV I’d watch it. And I was always playing baseball. So I didn’t really watch any Sci-Fi at all.” An arm injury cut short his aspirations of playing baseball professionally, and it was then that Brendon turned his attention to acting. When he hit a dry spot between parts, he took a job as a production assistant on Dave’s World, and then promptly nailed a guest spot role on the series, too. He’s since appeared on the soap opera The Young and the Restless, had a role in Children of the Corn III - Urban Harvest, and has appeared in several Los Angeles theater productions.

Although his tendencies don’t lean toward science fiction, like any other eligible 20-something male actor in Hollywood these days, Brendon wouldn’t mind it if the role of Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode II rolled his way. Not that he believes it will. But, he tells, “George Lucas came to our set two months ago. And so I went and I met and I talked to him. But when I realized the kid in the first episode is Anakin, I realized that it probably is not going to happen,” he laughs, shrugging it off. “I would love to. I just wasn’t into it. I’ve seen all of the movies when they were rereleased and they were cool. But at the time, it was just so blown up, and when everyone had all the action figures, I just didn’t want to be a part of that. I wanted to play kickball instead. But yes, I’d definitely do it. I think Lucas has proven his worth.”

As has Buffy, apparently. After four years on the air, Buffy remains one of the WB Network’s strongest, most consistent, and most-lauded efforts. Not that Brendon or any of the other actors knew what they were in for when they first began on this little-show-that-cold, which was based on a mildly noted feature film. “No. It was like fighting tooth and nail with the network for them to even give us a shot, because they picked up 7th Heaven over us. We were a midseason replacement. And so I think it was because of Joss being who he was, even then, that they gave it a shot. I think the first episode we all saw together was episode three, which was the witch episode, and we were all sitting there with chills, going, “oh my god, this is a really cool show.” And I think that’s when we started to realize [what we had with Buffy]. And then when it aired the ratings were really good, and we never looked back.”

There are advantages to being part of a hit, established series: namely, job security. “Now we’re getting our pick-ups early,” explains Brendon. “After the first season we had to wait to see if we were going to be picked up. Then you wait until a week before they start shooting to get your option, to see if they want you back. But now they’re doing it like, we got picked up for next year long ago, and we’ll start production in July and probably in August we’ll have our next season pick-up and the options coming in. So, the show’s going to be around for a while. And we’re all just trying to stay happy, and keep it real and fresh. And that’s kind of up to the actors in a sense, to do that. It’s fortunate.”

There’s always the potential for shock with Buffy, and Whedon never misses a beat when he sees a chance to throw viewers for a loop. However, according to Brendon, rumors that a character on the series will be killed off at the end of this season are inaccurate. But he does drolly offer this insight: “Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Giles are the four characters that will never die. Unless there’s a bitter contract dispute with Fox. Anyone above and beyond that is expendable in Joss’s eyes.”

– Melissa J Perenson